Miltank: A Bit Of “Japan, WTF?” From the World of Pokémon

English: Logo of Pokemon franchise based on DV...

I missed out on Pokémon when I was a child.  I think, when it came out, I was too old to get into it.  (However, I did manage to get completely wrapped up in Sailor Moon, even though I was in high school, because it was the only thing on at 6:30 am when I was eating breakfast. )  Fortunately, my husband is a bit younger than I am and was/is totally into it. He has since introduced me, and we have spent many evenings watching Ash Ketchum wander aimlessly around the Johto regions, not collecting any badges but somehow hitting every town on the one day that the obscure Pokémon competition the town is famous for takes place, then winning that competition with no practice or experience.  (Kids, the moral of the story is, get it right the first time with no effort or don’t bother.)

So I’ve been introduced to many weird Pokémon over the past few months, but Miltank is the only one likely to give me nightmares.  Look at it.

It’s a…cow?

It’s a…cow, but it stands on its hind legs.  And it’s Pepto-Bismol pink.  And what is going on with that face?!?

Oh, and even though it stands on its hind legs, it still has udders.  One of its powers is “Milk Drink”, where it can heal other Pokémon if they…drink from the udder…I’m sorry, but that, combined with that facial expression, is just wrong.

This is wrong.

I used to think it was called “Milk Tank”, which would be equally weird but make more sense than just shoving those two words together and taking out the “k”.

Also, when they did the English dub, I think they left in the Japanese voice for this Pokémon.  It’s just a Japanese woman saying “ミル!ミル!” (miru) with that r/l sound that doesn’t exist in English. Or perhaps it’s a man using falsetto.  Which is probably worse.

However, as much as this Pokémon creeps me the hell out, probably the worst thing about her is this:  in the world of Pokémon, all of the animals are Pokémon.  All of them.

But Ash loves cheeseburgers.

So…ground up Miltank?

As a vegetarian,  I find that the most disturbing of all.

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